tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395786995255304172024-03-05T15:01:20.671+10:00a lifetime of storiesLife: Nobody ever said it would be easy, They just said it would be worth it.Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.comBlogger255125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-91890446706662191922010-05-01T18:36:00.002+10:002010-05-01T18:36:23.941+10:00I have a new place to hang!!I outgrew blogger. Or rather, blogger gave me the cranky-pants, so I bailed.
Find me at http://nearlynotquite.com/
All comments are over there too :) It's worth the visit, I promise :)Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-34558332900113455892010-05-01T16:09:00.002+10:002010-05-01T18:55:49.707+10:00I took a few days,to decide how I would respond to this:
It wasn't that the "anonymous" writer inferred that I have too much self pity. It wasn't that they suggested I talk too much, Say too much, Judge too much and have somehow missed really living. It wasn't even the part where I am too forward, too blunt and as a result deserved the lynching I got in response to my comment on facebook.
It was the part where Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-42854534528420834632010-04-27T18:19:00.003+10:002010-04-27T18:22:43.302+10:00All hell broke loose.My neighbour is crazy. No two ways about it. She's locally known as the "shrew" due to her constantly screaming at her daughter, and husband. The good news is she recently had a baby. The bad news is today I heard her screaming AT the baby.
It really upset me to hear someone yelling at a tiny baby like that. Swearing at a six week old child is completely unacceptable to me! Well, I postedTamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-13358464870905072102010-04-27T07:38:00.000+10:002010-04-27T07:38:24.040+10:00It's taken my entire life,but I think my name suits me.
The name Tamara means "Palm Tree" in Hebrew. Seriously? Palm Tree? Not "Mighty Warrier" or "Strength" or "Compassion" or any of those awesome things a name can mean. Just Palm Tree. I've always sniggered at the meaning of my name, always felt a bit condescending about it. Like it was just silly. I've often thought my parents clearly didn't do their research before Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-61665084222562507272010-04-25T20:18:00.001+10:002010-04-25T20:18:50.932+10:00Veiled InsultsThe most insulting thing i think anyone ever said to me when Ariana was dying was "pray harder". Really? Pray harder? We Have been praying!! From the day we found out she existed we prayed she would live, that she would be our healthy baby. We prayed desperately that it was a nightmare, that our child was not terminally Ill. We prayed our family would survive the pain, we prayed Lucy would not Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-38393046918671633042010-04-21T14:11:00.001+10:002010-04-21T14:15:24.142+10:00Barefoot and Pregnant.The amazing reality in where a simple pregnancy test can lead me from here on a direct climb to here almost belies belief.
In fact, I'm still not certain I really believe it.
I dreamt today that I was pregnant, and when I had the baby, after many hours in labour, there was but a whisp of smoke, and then it was gone, leaving me lying on the bed with nothing but the faint residueTamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-72111630379828776042010-04-21T07:12:00.001+10:002010-04-21T07:12:33.551+10:00The way in whichI 'do' pregnant worries me. I get tired, big sore boobs, a headache, and constipated. That goes on for nine months - or however long I manage to stay pregnant. I had two weeks of feeling seasick with Ariana, but only when I was on a bus, train or in a car. For most of the time I am fine. I wouldn't know morning sickness if it hit me over the head.People say that I'm lucky not to get sick. Really?Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-58130078512844322672010-04-17T17:40:00.000+10:002010-04-17T17:40:08.182+10:00Missing In Action,well, sort of.
I am still here. Mostly.
This week has been chaos. I can't believe how totally unprepared I was for going back to work. I did the job for two weeks and I am already two weeks behind in paperwork. And we have accreditation in two months. Head office are breathing down our necks, and I am already struggling!
Of course, there is a reason. There is always a reason. It has been Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-40993663264722225262010-04-12T17:57:00.000+10:002010-04-12T17:57:49.593+10:00Pinch me, or shake me awake -In three short years - this happened.
I'm confused. I don't think she is officially a toddler anymore! Toddlers are generally nappy wearing, tantrum throwing, frustrated little beings. Lucy on the other hand, is a toilet trained, articulate, intelligent and generally a well adjusted little girl. Not quite so toddler. More - little person.
I can't believe that it's been three years. I Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-83638402872128157122010-04-11T20:15:00.000+10:002010-04-11T20:15:14.804+10:00710 grams.What does 710 grams mean to you? For most people, it's nothing. 710 grams is nothing, a small insiginificant number. Most of the time.
To one family, It's a miracle.
Meet Nico.
Nico arrived in this world at 24 weeks gestation, weighing 710 grams, in November 2009. That is 16 very long weeks too early for such a precious person to be born.
Many, many times, Nico's life hung in the Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-23489266399904225452010-04-10T20:54:00.000+10:002010-04-10T20:54:53.099+10:00The one where I yell at an ambo..Yeah. I am Classy.
But in my defence, he was a douchebag.
Seriously? If I call an ambulance, for my three year old daughter, It's because I think she needs to go to the hospital. Not to the GP. The GP can't do blood tests, the GP can't do Urine tests and the GP can't do a chest Xray. Which is what the 1300Health line told me she would need. Which is why they recommended getting her to Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-54055125817485600492010-04-09T07:23:00.001+10:002010-04-09T07:23:47.233+10:0039 degrees,And still rising is my munchkins body temperature right now. For those who use fahrenhiet that's 102 and steadily going up after panadol (motrin). I'm at a loss, the hospital sent us home, saying that she needs to fight the temp a bit as it's killing the virus but now she is so shaky she can hardly move, and refusing all fluids. She has 1 hour to settle things down, or we're going back to Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-33565987873492873932010-04-08T19:32:00.000+10:002010-04-08T19:32:45.160+10:00I have a terrible flaw.When it comes to family, and friends, I am so overprotective that at times, It's ridiculous!
Lucy gives me a heart attack on a regular basis. Just being a kid, Climbing, Riding Bikes, and all other kid-like activities have my heart in my throat. I think I am so afraid of losing her, of her suddenly not being a part of my life that I fear stupid, inconsequential activities will harm her far moreTamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-28520459791259141542010-04-08T18:33:00.000+10:002010-04-08T18:33:07.460+10:00So, Easter,yeah, that's THIS post. It's the post I've been avoiding, dodging if you will. I don't want to face it, talk about it, or deal with it. Even though it's come and gone, I still don't want to actually acknowledge the fact that we had a BIG.DAY. Without our daughter, without our child, who easter should have been all about this year. Of course it was all about Lucy as well, but it should have been Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-72177946961775374252010-04-06T19:52:00.002+10:002010-04-06T19:52:56.928+10:00Love me, or hate me,I am me. Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-12994103116362326572010-04-06T07:26:00.001+10:002010-04-06T17:23:06.596+10:00A new perspectiveOr maybe, just a wake up call. A few days ago I was moaning about how my neighbour has had her baby,, a baby due the same week as Ariana was.
Last night it occured to me that I am such a bitch! I was talking to Mr Neighbour, and he told me their daughter Amelia was born on the 16th of March.
I have been so busy thinking it's not fair that the neighbour was exactly as pregnant as I was, Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-23359755004559008952010-04-05T19:00:00.002+10:002010-04-05T19:00:52.123+10:00Autopsy?What autopsy?
I just need to know.
Closure. Finality. Knowledge. All the things I'm missing. All the things I need.
My head is a mess today - I just need that report.
And God knows where it is.Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-1322179407469195232010-04-05T12:17:00.000+10:002010-04-05T12:17:27.217+10:00At what point,does this become Ok? And really, Do I deserve this?
Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-85420825812848071052010-04-05T09:12:00.002+10:002010-04-05T19:26:12.954+10:003 monthsWe still question why.
We still don't know.
We still cry.
We still grieve.
We still mourn.
We still wonder.
We still love.
We will always miss you, with every fibre of our being.
3 long months.
-- Post From My iPhoneTamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-65941187678240145082010-04-04T20:47:00.002+10:002010-04-05T12:27:34.528+10:00AmazedI often have reason to be amazed while writting here. In the past year particularly, the outpouring of love, and support has astounded me. Not much leaves me speechless (truly), but today, to recieve my first 'blog award' left me in that state. To be honest, it made me cry a little, especially since the beautiful woman who bestowed such an honour on me deserved to hold it close to her heart, for Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-11442747009521915232010-04-03T18:51:00.000+10:002010-04-03T18:51:21.580+10:00The Empty EasterWho knew Easter could leave such a bad taste in my mouth. The ultimate sacrifice was made. How can that be viewed with any negativity.
The empty feeling in my arms, and my heart, is particularly bad tonight. Knowing that tomorrow should have been one of Ariana's "firsts". Facing Easter without my precious daughter. Seeing her untouched Christmas presents is hard enough, not buying Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-52698701852264712062010-04-01T22:34:00.000+10:002010-04-01T22:34:42.793+10:00I loveI love the smell of rain, but I'm not much into the actual wet, rainy part of rain.
I love the smell of freshly cut grass.
I love the sound of children laughing, preferably after 9am on a Sunday morning.
I love to read. If I couldn't read anymore, I think I would lose my mind.
I love being with good friends. Lighthearted conversations, laughter and joking around is my idea of a perfect day.Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-85232251433624850722010-03-31T18:55:00.000+10:002010-03-31T18:55:11.663+10:00I will not say sorry,for who I am now.
It might shock people to know, that the person I was two years ago doesn't exist anymore. It might shock those same people to know that I actually am not as predictable as you might like to believe, I don't feel the way I used to, nor do I tolerate what I used to.
" I never expected to be this version of myself".
I think that sums it up nicely.
Some things are the same. Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-71769682802981400382010-03-30T21:03:00.000+10:002010-03-30T21:03:14.700+10:00Lets call him Wally, shall we?Of course, that's not his name. But I'm going to call him that here (privacy and all that!)
So today, I went back to work. In childcare. Oh My.
"Wally, please do not hit your friends, Wally please take that out of your mouth, Wally, We do not flush rolls of toilet paper, Wally we do not drink out of the toilet, Wally please do not draw on the walls, Wally please come out of the kitchen, Wally Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-11114316673852398042010-03-29T07:22:00.000+10:002010-03-29T07:22:50.023+10:00It hurts my heartto see a friend wandering down a path, that I've hurtled down myself.
I hate that she is so upset, so full of hurt, of despair and disapointment. She is disillusioned, both with herself, and her marriage. She is wondering if it is over, if it is all fake, if maybe, there is no future.
I want to help her. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to do anything to help her, or her husband Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1