tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3395786995255304172011-11-09T15:09:16.086+10:00Life: Nobody ever said it would be easy, They just said it would be worth it.Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.comBlogger2551100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-91890446706662191922010-05-01T18:36:00.002+10:002010-05-01T18:36:23.941+10:00

I outgrew blogger. Or rather, blogger gave me the cranky-pants, so I bailed. Find me at http://nearlynotquite.com/ All comments are over there too :) It's worth the visit, I promise :)

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-34558332900113455892010-05-01T16:09:00.002+10:002010-05-01T18:55:49.707+10:00

to decide how I would respond to this: It wasn't that the "anonymous" writer inferred that I have too much self pity. It wasn't that they suggested I talk too much, Say too much, Judge too much and have somehow missed really living. It wasn't even the part where I am too forward, too blunt and as a result deserved the lynching I got in response to my comment on facebook. It was the part where

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-42854534528420834632010-04-27T18:19:00.003+10:002010-04-27T18:22:43.302+10:00

My neighbour is crazy. No two ways about it. She's locally known as the "shrew" due to her constantly screaming at her daughter, and husband. The good news is she recently had a baby. The bad news is today I heard her screaming AT the baby. It really upset me to hear someone yelling at a tiny baby like that. Swearing at a six week old child is completely unacceptable to me!  Well, I posted as

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-13358464870905072102010-04-27T07:38:00.000+10:002010-04-27T07:38:24.040+10:00

but I think my name suits me. The name Tamara means "Palm Tree" in Hebrew. Seriously? Palm Tree? Not "Mighty Warrier" or "Strength" or "Compassion" or any of those awesome things a name can mean. Just Palm Tree. I've always sniggered at the meaning of my name, always felt a bit condescending about it. Like it was just silly. I've often thought my parents clearly didn't do their research before

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-61665084222562507272010-04-25T20:18:00.001+10:002010-04-25T20:18:50.932+10:00

The most insulting thing i think anyone ever said to me when Ariana was dying was "pray harder". Really? Pray harder? We Have been praying!! From the day we found out she existed we prayed she would live, that she would be our healthy baby. We prayed desperately that it was a nightmare, that our child was not terminally Ill. We prayed our family would survive the pain, we prayed Lucy would not

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-38393046918671633042010-04-21T14:11:00.001+10:002010-04-21T14:15:24.142+10:00

The amazing reality in where a simple pregnancy test can lead me from here on a direct climb to here almost belies belief. In fact, I'm still not certain I really believe it. I dreamt today that I was pregnant, and when I had the baby, after many hours in labour, there was but a whisp of smoke, and then it was gone, leaving me lying on the bed with nothing but the faint residue of ash, and no

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-72111630379828776042010-04-21T07:12:00.001+10:002010-04-21T07:12:33.551+10:00

I 'do' pregnant worries me. I get tired, big sore boobs, a headache, and constipated. That goes on for nine months - or however long I manage to stay pregnant. I had two weeks of feeling seasick with Ariana, but only when I was on a bus, train or in a car. For most of the time I am fine. I wouldn't know morning sickness if it hit me over the head.People say that I'm lucky not to get sick. Really?

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-58130078512844322672010-04-17T17:40:00.000+10:002010-04-17T17:40:08.182+10:00

well, sort of. I am still here. Mostly. This week has been chaos. I can't believe how totally unprepared I was for going back to work. I did the job for two weeks and I am already two weeks behind in paperwork. And we have accreditation in two months. Head office are breathing down our necks, and I am already struggling! Of course, there is a reason. There is always a reason. It has been

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-40993663264722225262010-04-12T17:57:00.000+10:002010-04-12T17:57:49.593+10:00

In three short years - this happened. I'm confused. I don't think she is officially a toddler anymore! Toddlers are generally nappy wearing, tantrum throwing, frustrated little beings. Lucy on the other hand, is a toilet trained, articulate, intelligent and generally a well adjusted little girl. Not quite so toddler. More - little person. I can't believe that it's been three years. I can't

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-83638402872128157122010-04-11T20:15:00.000+10:002010-04-11T20:15:14.804+10:00

What does 710 grams mean to you? For most people, it's nothing. 710 grams is nothing, a small insiginificant number. Most of the time. To one family, It's a miracle. Meet Nico. Nico arrived in this world at 24 weeks gestation, weighing 710 grams, in November 2009.  That is 16 very long weeks too early for such a precious person to be born. Many, many times, Nico's life hung in the

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-23489266399904225452010-04-10T20:54:00.000+10:002010-04-10T20:54:53.099+10:00

Yeah. I am Classy. But in my defence, he was a douchebag. Seriously? If I call an ambulance, for my three year old daughter, It's because I think she needs to go to the hospital. Not to the GP. The GP can't do blood tests, the GP can't do Urine tests and the GP can't do a chest Xray. Which is what the 1300Health line told me she would need. Which is why they recommended getting her to

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-54055125817485600492010-04-09T07:23:00.001+10:002010-04-09T07:23:47.233+10:00

And still rising is my munchkins body temperature right now. For those who use fahrenhiet that's 102 and steadily going up after panadol (motrin). I'm at a loss, the hospital sent us home, saying that she needs to fight the temp a bit as it's killing the virus but now she is so shaky she can hardly move, and refusing all fluids. She has 1 hour to settle things down, or we're going back to

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-33565987873492873932010-04-08T19:32:00.000+10:002010-04-08T19:32:45.160+10:00

When it comes to family, and friends, I am so overprotective that at times, It's ridiculous! Lucy gives me a heart attack on a regular basis. Just being a kid, Climbing, Riding Bikes, and all other kid-like activities have my heart in my throat. I think I am so afraid of losing her, of her suddenly not being a part of my life that I fear stupid, inconsequential activities will harm her far more

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-28520459791259141542010-04-08T18:33:00.000+10:002010-04-08T18:33:07.460+10:00

yeah, that's THIS post. It's the post I've been avoiding, dodging if you will. I don't want to face it, talk about it, or deal with it. Even though it's come and gone, I still don't want to actually acknowledge the fact that we had a BIG.DAY. Without our daughter, without our child, who easter should have been all about this year. Of course it was all about Lucy as well, but it should have been

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-72177946961775374252010-04-06T19:52:00.002+10:002010-04-06T19:52:56.928+10:00

I am me.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-12994103116362326572010-04-06T07:26:00.001+10:002010-04-06T17:23:06.596+10:00

Or maybe, just a wake up call. A few days ago I was moaning about how my neighbour has had her baby,, a baby due the same week as Ariana was. Last night it occured to me that I am such a bitch! I was talking to Mr Neighbour, and he told me their daughter Amelia was born on the 16th of March. I have been so busy thinking it's not fair that the neighbour was exactly as pregnant as I was,

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-23359755004559008952010-04-05T19:00:00.002+10:002010-04-05T19:00:52.123+10:00

What autopsy? I just need to know. Closure. Finality. Knowledge. All the things I'm missing. All the things I need. My head is a mess today - I just need that report. And God knows where it is.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-1322179407469195232010-04-05T12:17:00.000+10:002010-04-05T12:17:27.217+10:00

does this become Ok? And really, Do I deserve this?

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-85420825812848071052010-04-05T09:12:00.002+10:002010-04-05T19:26:12.954+10:00

We still question why. We still don't know. We still cry. We still grieve. We still mourn. We still wonder. We still love. We will always miss you, with every fibre of our being. 3 long months. -- Post From My iPhone

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-65941187678240145082010-04-04T20:47:00.002+10:002010-04-05T12:27:34.528+10:00

I often have reason to be amazed while writting here. In the past year particularly, the outpouring of love, and support has astounded me. Not much leaves me speechless (truly), but today, to recieve my first 'blog award' left me in that state. To be honest, it made me cry a little, especially since the beautiful woman who bestowed such an honour on me deserved to hold it close to her heart, for

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-11442747009521915232010-04-03T18:51:00.000+10:002010-04-03T18:51:21.580+10:00

Who knew Easter could leave such a bad taste in my mouth. The ultimate sacrifice was made. How can that be viewed with any negativity. The empty feeling in my arms, and my heart, is particularly bad tonight. Knowing that tomorrow should have been one of Ariana's "firsts". Facing Easter without my precious daughter. Seeing her untouched Christmas presents is hard enough, not buying anything for

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-52698701852264712062010-04-01T22:34:00.000+10:002010-04-01T22:34:42.793+10:00

I love the smell of rain, but I'm not much into the actual wet, rainy part of rain. I love the smell of freshly cut grass. I love the sound of children laughing, preferably after 9am on a Sunday morning. I love to read. If I couldn't read anymore, I think I would lose my mind. I love being with good friends. Lighthearted conversations, laughter and joking around is my idea of a perfect day.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-85232251433624850722010-03-31T18:55:00.000+10:002010-03-31T18:55:11.663+10:00

for who I am now. It might shock people to know, that the person I was two years ago doesn't exist anymore. It might shock those same people to know that I actually am not as predictable as you might like to believe, I don't feel the way I used to, nor do I tolerate what I used to. " I never expected to be this version of myself". I think that sums it up nicely. Some things are the same.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-71769682802981400382010-03-30T21:03:00.000+10:002010-03-30T21:03:14.700+10:00

Of course, that's not his name. But I'm going to call him that here (privacy and all that!) So today, I went back to work. In childcare. Oh My. "Wally, please do not hit your friends, Wally please take that out of your mouth, Wally, We do not flush rolls of toilet paper, Wally we do not drink out of the toilet, Wally please do not draw on the walls, Wally please come out of the kitchen, Wally

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-11114316673852398042010-03-29T07:22:00.000+10:002010-03-29T07:22:50.023+10:00

to see a friend wandering down a path, that I've hurtled down myself. I hate that she is so upset, so full of hurt, of despair and disapointment. She is disillusioned, both with herself, and her marriage. She is wondering if it is over, if it is all fake, if maybe, there is no future. I want to help her. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to do anything to help her, or her husband

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-23413201218590739982010-03-28T08:23:00.000+10:002010-03-28T08:23:16.709+10:00

On Tuesday, I'm going back to work. I'm looking forward to it, kind of. I'm scared, a lot. I'll be thrown in the deep end, I haven't worked in Childcare for well over three years. I thought when I signed up I'd be working as an assistant. No paperwork, half the responsibility of the more senior positions. Evidently, they love me. They would hire me full time if head office would let them.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-88610796044177945102010-03-27T19:30:00.000+10:002010-03-27T19:30:09.641+10:00

things have gotten bad. I read a blog, written by a wonderful woman named Issa. She's having a hell of a time right now, and actually contemplated deleting her blog, and her twitter account. Twitter, I totally don't understand. But that's a whole 'nother post. Things must get bad, for someone to get to a point that they look back over everything they have written, in however many years, and

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-60985888758175768352010-03-27T07:39:00.000+10:002010-03-27T07:39:01.740+10:00

I'm writing over here. Be Gentle. It's still painful.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-20411050279423303862010-03-26T10:48:00.000+10:002010-03-26T10:48:13.006+10:00

then I opened the back door. Apparently, she's had her baby. Why she has to walk around the verandah with her/him is beyond me. Ok, Ok, I know, I'm being a bitch. But it just seems so unfair! From my current vantage point at the desk - all i can see is her pacing with a tiny bundle in her arms. It really doesn't seem fair. Not at all. Not today.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-47638392306041571392010-03-26T09:04:00.002+10:002010-03-26T09:04:28.114+10:00

I suffer from this. I fear it's terminal.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-13965063804401361402010-03-25T21:54:00.000+10:002010-03-25T21:54:11.775+10:00

It's going to be another of those posts - not so much about periods, but other things to do with my bits and pieces - so as always, if you're not into intimate posts - click the [X]. Seriously. Click it. So. I've been having sex. *Gasp!* It's ok, I'm married, I'm allowed. Seriously though, something has shifted in my marriage. I'm not sure what it was, or when it happened exactly. I know

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-45449036421851957502010-03-22T15:31:00.000+10:002010-03-22T15:31:57.698+10:00

to love, laugh and live in your memory. Sometimes, Ariana, we forget. Sometimes, we struggle, we get angry, we get sad, and sometimes, we just forget. We never forget about you, but life has a way of catching up, even to those who are most determined to not let things get them down. But we promised you, that we would love, laugh and live. And so we do. Every single day princess, is for

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-46414603908627035242010-03-22T07:46:00.000+10:002010-03-22T07:46:58.988+10:00

but if you're going to, there isn't much I can do about it! Because i'm ALL about the controversy, I have another confession to make. I hardly ever find being a mum hard. *GASP* Sure, it's tough sometimes, especially when Lucy is getting on my last nerve, or is sick, or when I'm sick, and she wants me to dance and play. We always are going to have difficult days. But if I sit back, and look

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-89546995444757008572010-03-21T18:40:00.001+10:002010-03-21T18:51:14.571+10:00

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing" - Agatha Christie Life has been tough. When I wrote this post, I never, in a million years expected to get the reactions that I did. You, were Supportive, loving and kind. Many of you, both in the comments, and

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-84350436227641140232010-03-19T09:10:00.000+10:002010-03-19T09:10:08.925+10:00

has gone so, so fast. Today, Ariana, was due to arrive here, in our world. To become a part of our family "on the outside". I cant believe that in 9 months, we've had the joy of finding out that finally, we were pregnant with our much wanted second child, only to have that changed to the worry and concern that our baby was very, very sick. Then throw in the birth, the death, the memorial

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-81803663771099191452010-03-18T08:59:00.001+10:002010-03-18T09:45:18.128+10:00

fortunately this time, I realised what was happening before it was too late. This post, Is not going to be pretty. It's raw, It's probably not well written but it's something that I've been hiding from myself, for years. It is not public knowledge, a few select people know, and some others, who I now wish I'd NEVER told, but it is not public. Until today. Today is different, because I've

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-29951380870078960742010-03-17T17:01:00.000+10:002010-03-17T17:01:24.729+10:00

of a good day, is when you meet an old friend for coffee at 9.30 in the morning, and don't leave until 4.30 that afternoon. THAT is a sign of a good day. Apparently, we had a lot to catch up on. And, amazingly, I feel very good about it. Decompressing was good, I didn't realise how much I needed to vent, to say things that I haven't been saying, to anyone, the things I haven't even been

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-49369306275827004152010-03-16T11:22:00.000+10:002010-03-16T11:22:24.425+10:00

don't tell me you know how I feel, if you've never lost a child. I know people who have lost children, and I, having lost a child, don't even say that to them. Every person's grief is raw, their pain is unique. Please, don't say you know how I feel. Just say your sorry. That you're thinking of me. And that you care. That is all.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-22358652950129987192010-03-16T10:09:00.000+10:002010-03-16T10:09:50.286+10:00

softly softly, close your eyes your fight is done. gently, gently, softly softly, breathe your last, no pain, no fear gently, gently, softly softly, soar free, soar high gently gently softly softly this love will hold you near

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-72017227858825600162010-03-15T14:23:00.002+10:002010-03-15T14:43:56.623+10:00

the story is Mine. it stems from my life experiences - good and bad, happy and sad. i used to love my life. then Ariana happened. Not so much as happened, as came into this world, sick, premature and fighting. the world as i knew it ended on the 5th of january i am a wife i am a mother i am a friend i am a confidant i am a supporter i am a lover i am a fighter i am a blogger i

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-24789241101656136602010-03-15T12:05:00.000+10:002010-03-15T12:05:23.089+10:00

and I know I love it. But I really, just can't figure out how to describe it. I read it over, and over, and over. I'm still going back to it almost every hour, to read it again. I love the way it flows. I love that I was invited to view, and to participate in it. I feel I'm not eloquent enough to do so, but I love that I was thought of. It is powerful. It is in it's infancy, but It is going to

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-30543257063503200112010-03-14T16:54:00.000+10:002010-03-14T16:54:46.662+10:00

that losing Ariana hasn't changed me, that I'm still that person, the person I used to recognise. Nowadays I have no idea. I feel like I don't know anything about myself any more. Like everything I knew has been torn away. I know I'm stronger. I know I'm wiser, more courageous, more able, and willing than ever before to stand up and fight for what I believe, what I think and what I feel. I

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-10467090751389857632010-03-12T18:36:00.000+10:002010-03-12T18:36:55.526+10:00

The Childcare centre Lucy attends, is a centre that has whole heartedly embraced the Montessori Education system. It is a wonderful learning environment, and one she thrives in, hugely. The children there learn, what is known as the "peace poem". I believe it was actually by Ghandi (feel free to correct me!) Only since losing Ariana, have I actually undertsood it's meaning. "I offer you

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-81958202418505947382010-03-12T18:06:00.001+10:002010-03-12T18:07:09.704+10:00

50/50? Do you share the load in your home, with your spouse? Fairly? Equally? Or do you divide what you do, depending on who is home what hours/days? I personally, am a firm believer in if I'm home, then the household duties fall to me. It is up to me to make sure the dishes are washed, the house is tidy, the washing is done and put away. I'm home, so I do it. I don't mind cooking the bacon

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-3273236735794711082010-03-11T07:57:00.000+10:002010-03-11T07:57:55.145+10:00

one that I've already made to my husband. I don't open the back door. I really don't. I'll open it ten minutes before he and Lucy come home, so it looks like it's been open all day. But It hasn't. I don't open the back door. Why? Because our next door neighbour is pregnant. I believe, she is due sometime next week. Ariana was due next week. On the 19th in fact. We've come down to 8 days

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-60219568928279265832010-03-10T14:56:00.000+10:002010-03-10T14:56:24.353+10:00

Ariana got two new friends. Layla Grace sadly lost her fight with Cancer in the early hours of this morning. This amazing, beautiful toddler has been fighting for months, and finally, and lovingly, Jesus took her home. A dear friend of mine said that she doesn't think it's bad news, just sad news. After thinking about that for a few minutes, I realised she's right. It is so sad, that this

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-39088006283654299302010-03-09T10:39:00.000+10:002010-03-09T10:39:55.883+10:00

I just can't get a break. I'm back on antibiotics again. Despite healing incredibly well, and fast afer my c-section, it's become evident that somehow, an infection has managed to creep into my scar. It's not too painful, but the risk of additional trauma to my uterus is huge - so back to the drugs we go! I can't believe that it's possible to get an infected scar nearly 9 weeks after the

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-11389625329688795052010-03-08T20:38:00.000+10:002010-03-08T20:38:05.717+10:00

that I got myself a job. That's right people. My sad, sorry unemployed self just became OLD news. Well, in actual fact it became old news on Friday, but I was all caught up in Ariana for the weekend, and am only just getting to my announcement now. It's casual work, which is great. It's close to home, which is so even better. And It's not what i want to be doing. But that's ok. It's enough.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-44048810062347661432010-03-08T16:20:00.000+10:002010-03-08T16:20:53.027+10:00

but not for what you might think. A couple of years ago now, I told my best friend of quite some years to never speak to me again. The reason I did this was a betrayal so deep, so selfish, and so totally wrong. I cut ALL contact. I was completley heartbroken. What she did, very nearly destroyed my marriage. My actions caused the inital marital problems we were having. But then what she did,

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-20716153612835645282010-03-08T07:58:00.000+10:002010-03-08T07:58:35.159+10:00

I think we finally found a church we fit into. A very smooth fit actually. There wasn't anything "wrong" per say, with the church we used to go to. I just didn't feel comfortable there anymore, something about it felt too organised, maybe too clinical. That might not be quite the right way to put it, but it's all i've got right now! We went to this church last night, that was amazing. Lucy had

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-31642650770392577292010-03-07T23:17:00.001+10:002010-03-07T23:27:03.101+10:00

Some don't leave their names, Others i've never actually met (most in fact!), and there are people who i know and have spent time with, but who still care enough to let me know they are thinking of us. THIS is what support is all about. How i Cherish them all. x Amber - "I know I only know you on facebook, through Jon. But I just wanted to say that you are an amazing person. I have followed (

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-21565484617788497112010-03-07T16:55:00.000+10:002010-03-07T16:55:07.549+10:00

lost her fight for life this morning at 5.35am. Police are at this point, finalising their investigations, but it seeming likely that they will not be pressing charges against her grieving, devestated parents. Ariana has more playmates in heaven, than Lucy will probably ever have here on earth. Pray for their family.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-22089825360107516122010-03-07T14:21:00.000+10:002010-03-07T14:21:26.718+10:00

well the title pretty much sums it up. To say that I'm not completley crushed is a lie. I am crushed. How is it that I'm not invited? How is it, that after knowing you seperately, for over ten years, and as a couple since you met each other, That I didn't warrant an invitation. That I knew nothing, until i logged onto facebook and actively SEARCHED to find out. How can you have wanted me at

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-66144951189352001792010-03-06T18:08:00.000+10:002010-03-06T18:08:54.834+10:00

So, today, Charity Rose went to hospital. She's 9 months old. She was in a walker, scooting around the kitchen while her parents watched on. What they didn't realise, was that she could reach the benchtop from her new position. She grabed a knife. Good parents. Supervising their child. And still, It happened. Charity has to have surgery. They aren't sure of how she will recover. They aren't

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-70314552200008178752010-03-05T12:33:00.000+10:002010-03-05T12:33:34.594+10:00

that gives me goosebumps. Today, my goosebump moment was this. That is one very special little boy. He lost his little sister Ava, to a tragic accident. Clearly, he has a quiet knowledge of things that most young children would not. You can read about Ava, and her story here. Be prepared with the tissues. It's a heartbreaker.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-30639003711032204062010-03-05T08:25:00.000+10:002010-03-05T08:25:36.652+10:00

Two months today sweetheart. How have we survived, for two whole months without you. For you my princess. Love Mummy

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-72057941050027086312010-03-03T10:22:00.000+10:002010-03-03T10:22:05.657+10:00

at the steps of grieving, but the last 48 hours, I have just been so angry. I'm angry with everything. I'm not used to feeling out of control, to feeling like I have no self control. I'm angry that I'm unemployed. I'm angry that I feel like I'm not contributing to the household in any way whatsoever. I'm angry that I feel pressured into going back to work, despite not feeling ready for it

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-4080010661650351982010-03-02T09:53:00.000+10:002010-03-02T09:53:17.018+10:00

was spent dodging torrential downpours. Will it EVER stop raining over here?! Its been raining on and off sporadically for about a month now, and conisistently pouring for two days. Which is expected to continue for an entire.week. Three days ago we had a Tsunami warning issued - complete with the very intelligent words from the BOM website - "do not go to the coast to watch the Tsunami".

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-84292369553686087142010-03-01T11:34:00.000+10:002010-03-01T11:34:18.456+10:00

Hydrops strikes again. Fly high beautiful baby girl. Your Mummy and Daddy are lost without you. Angel Baby Ayers - Gone to soon. x

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-54007814156460686472010-02-26T15:58:00.000+10:002010-02-26T15:58:10.705+10:00

have a new meaning for me since we lost Ariana. When Matt and I decided to remove her life support, we asked everyone to come to the hospital to hold her and say goodbye. I spoke with the midwives, and asked them to organise with the NICU to move her into a private room. We wanted the privacy, to be able to cry and laugh and say goodbye, without worrying about upsetting other families who were

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-3482028877975792012010-02-25T19:48:00.000+10:002010-02-25T19:48:12.451+10:00

so badly, that I deserve to get a rotten, painful, nightmare of a period AND Gastro.. seriously. What.The.Hell...

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-66264349745756055522010-02-24T20:39:00.000+10:002010-02-24T20:39:28.528+10:00

up in here, so if you don't want to hear about "whatsbeenhappeninginmyladybusiness".......then go away. Evidently, because I am super special, and super lucky, I get to have TWO periods this month. Admittedly the first one was more of a "think I am, could it be, maybe not, oh well its over now" type affair. This one has been more of a "dear god in heaven above stop this now because i think i

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-59923719460926821092010-02-24T14:31:00.000+10:002010-02-24T14:31:53.698+10:00

but doctors sure can work miracles. Ellery is home! She gave her parents a nasty nasty scare, but they didn't have to be admitted, and as of last night she was back home, safe in her own bed, and improving once again. Thankyou to every one of you who have prayed for her, and thanks to those of you who emailed me demanding an update! In other news, Once again, yesterday I tried to clean out

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-8971962206841192282010-02-23T13:59:00.000+10:002010-02-23T13:59:00.289+10:00

She is a miracle. A real, honest to God miracle. Given a 5% chance at survival when she was born at 33 weeks gestation with Hydrops. She had a rough start to life. She had to fight hard, as did her family, and friends. Everyone was pulling for her, trying to help her, to save her. She fought, and got stronger, and eventually came home, on oxygen and other treatments. But home! Where every baby

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-47481696660793778712010-02-22T11:05:00.000+10:002010-02-22T11:05:05.053+10:00

has its perks. Like allowing me to wallow in bed recovering from the best weekend I've had in oh - forever?! Friday night I decided Mel had had enough crappy in her life, and needed some fun, as did I. So we hit the pub for a night of cocktails, live music and much needed laughs. We both managed to sober up enough to be functioning parents again come Saturday morning but it was an awesome night.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-43916405413950134492010-02-20T11:09:00.000+10:002010-02-20T11:09:22.450+10:00

I was not quite clear enough, in my "powerful" post. The image shown, is not my arm! I don't, nor have I ever, been a "cutter". The photo is linked to the link below the photo, It's a facebook group, called "To Write Love on Her arm". The basic premise is that Love can heal, and conquer. That every persons story is unique, and important. I thought the image of the word "Love" written over the

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-33494052878527666632010-02-19T18:00:00.000+10:002010-02-19T18:00:46.478+10:00

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times, And at least a thousand times i've rejoiced for you But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry Is how long must I wait to be with you I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then i'm out of place Lord, won't you give me the strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now Help me

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-73695207118056050452010-02-19T09:48:00.001+10:002010-02-20T11:09:58.025+10:00

I love it. http://www.facebook.com/towriteloveonherarms?v=info#!/towriteloveonherarms?v=info

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-90557454660645024762010-02-19T09:42:00.000+10:002010-02-19T09:42:04.070+10:00

the doctors and nurses who are in charge of saving your child's life. If there is anyone who knows this, its my friend Chantel, who's doctors worked miracles with her beautiful son Kai, who also had hydrops. Chantel, in her typical loving way, has been keeping the doctors who worked with Kai up to date via email over the past year, with his progress. As she comes up to Kai's first birthday in a

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-5352077772844058392010-02-18T21:21:00.000+10:002010-02-18T21:21:04.232+10:00

was how Lucy reffered to Ariana. I don't know where she picked up the phrase, I don't ever remember using it myself, but that was what Lucy said to her all the time. "Poor Little Sweetie"," Hello little Sweetie", "Hi my little sweetie"," Oh little sweetie", and finally, the most heartbreaking "Goodnight little sweetie", and "I love you little sweetie", as she said goodbye to her sister for the

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-88303301622317647122010-02-17T13:18:00.000+10:002010-02-17T13:18:38.933+10:00

"arianas mum" This is what amazing friends do. They go out of their way, to make something beautiful and post it across the country. They also, send a condolence card with 4 pink balloons in it, one for each day of Ariana's short life. Chan, I've never met you, but you blow me away with your generosity, and your kindness. If the best thing to ever come out of the internet is "meeting" you, then

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-44514941444070049252010-02-16T09:44:00.001+10:002010-02-16T09:48:03.902+10:00

     

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-61648969347758020562010-02-16T07:28:00.000+10:002010-02-16T07:28:49.108+10:00

you hear those three words all the time. Another horrific school shooting? "Only in America". Crazy lawsuit? "Only in America". Entire families killed "Only in America". (Absolutley no offence is intended to my American friends by the way!!) Now, we have to add Australia to the list, because our society has gone mad. Yesterday morning, at a school ten minutes from my house, a twelve year old boy

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-35966716669635775712010-02-15T12:10:00.000+10:002010-02-15T12:10:11.419+10:00

but I really sort of miss the old one. The day did not start well. At all. Matt's access card for work has been in the same place for six weeks. Until today evidently. God knows where it's gone. Half an hour after he leaves I get a phone call saying he's forgotten to take Lucy's bag to kindy, it's still at home. Half an hour into our new normal, and really,  NOT going well. I only hope his day

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-54731554105988244772010-02-14T17:28:00.000+10:002010-02-14T17:28:32.684+10:00

it sure got productive. I'm not sure what came over me, but this is what the playroom ended up looking like once i was finished being motivated... Its never looked better. I give it around an hour before it returns to its former trashed glory. Of course there is a chance I will go locco, and kill everyone in my house should that happen. After all, she clearly has help in this "messing up"

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-55204454667098848912010-02-14T08:32:00.000+10:002010-02-14T08:32:15.003+10:00

with one eye open last night, just waiting for Lucy to arrive. And she never did. Woohoo the kid stayed in her bed all night - thankgod because the lack of sleep thing was really starting to kill me! I still had to go through at 4am when she started calling me wanting a drink but hell, that I can handle! In other news, Matt goes back to work tomorrow. To say we're both sad about this is an

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-68914583679879092262010-02-13T21:26:00.000+10:002010-02-13T21:26:03.777+10:00

I think not. A couple of posts ago, someone anonymously left a comment saying that they find me an inspiration. I damn near fell off the lounge. And I totally felt like a fraud! I don't see myself as an inspiration. I don't feel inspired, or that I inspire others. I try and stay upbeat and happy but I'm human at the best of times. The worst - you don't want to know. Losing Ariana was like

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-33340917273776041412010-02-13T08:26:00.000+10:002010-02-13T08:26:41.509+10:00

of sleeping through the night, every night, Lucy has suddenly decided she wants to sleep in our bed. And I am NOT a happy camper! What the heck is going on? She has now, in the last week come into our room in the dark, sleepy hours of the morning four days in a row. Varying degrees of anger and annoyance have ensued, to the point that when she came in for the second time this morning, I got mad

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-81227947194749997222010-02-10T13:24:00.000+10:002010-02-10T13:24:49.619+10:00

and went and got my learners. How sad at 24 years old?! I can drive. I just haven't been able to drive LEGALLY - there was this little incident with a random breath test (i wasn't drunk! Just unlicenced), which kept me from getting it earlier - that and a healthy dose of procrastination. No more. Went and got it this morning. After five minutes behind the wheel it's all come back to me and I'm

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-65401873684721770112010-02-09T16:53:00.000+10:002010-02-09T16:53:59.023+10:00

our baby girl, we put up these shelves to keep her belongings with the rest of our family. We think it turned out quite nice, all thats missing is the Ash Bear, which we have yet to order. But for now, this is how it looks. L-R Her books from Sue, the memorial book from the service, and her memory book the hospital made for us, Her photo collage from Tiah, Her memory Box and her jewellery, and

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-83050976070259911512010-02-08T23:01:00.000+10:002010-02-08T23:01:02.633+10:00

that find you going "oh wow - didn't see that one coming." These are my kitchen tiles. Actually, if you want to be technical, they are the tiles next to the back door, in the "dining" area of the kitchen. It just looks like rubbish hey. Junk, on the floor, ready to be swept up and put into the bin. Its actually, what is left of the flowers. Ariana's flowers. And our flowers. We threw them

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-52109556623560032832010-02-08T18:15:00.000+10:002010-02-08T18:15:32.531+10:00

in one easy step. Step 1. Don't refer to my baby daughter as "that little incident". Indeed. The actual sentence was "how have you been since that little incident?" Truthfully, I'm doing very well. But really? That little incident? I actually had to ask her what she was talking about. At which point she said "you know, that whole baby thing". I'm not angry. Honestly I'm not. I seem to be a

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-55629110473068214642010-02-08T15:12:00.000+10:002010-02-08T15:12:16.408+10:00

but the good thing is I don't have to worry about feeling bad, for being sick on Matt's last week off from work. Why, you ask? Because now he has it too! Lucy doesn't stand a chance at NOT catching this damn thing, I'm quite certain of it! So now, if you'll excuse me, I have to stop wallowing in self pity and get out of bed, because evidently, I'M now the healthier of the two parents. Damn.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-57417453811781555222010-02-07T20:23:00.000+10:002010-02-07T20:23:43.953+10:00

was epic. I was sick. But it was still epic. A girly night left Matt at home alone, something he is not at all used to, but has assured me he has no issue with repeating! Lucy came with me, which she thought was pretty damn great, to have her own special sleep over with Brianna. The girls were very well behaved, only giggling and talking in bed for about an hour before finally falling asleep.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-5107799120788690842010-02-06T16:11:00.000+10:002010-02-06T16:11:31.385+10:00

it started creeping up on me. Just a slightly runny nose, and a "weird" feeling in the pit of my stomach. By the wee hours of Thursday morning, my throat was killing me. By Thursday night, it was a full blown viral "thing" which has now got me firmly by the head, and is insisting I sneeze, and wail and gnash my teeth. ... Oh wait. There has been no wailing, or Gnashing of teeth, but if my head

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-53559053988485881962010-02-05T08:34:00.000+10:002010-02-05T08:34:54.443+10:00

I dare anyone to tell me, that you weren't beautiful. I dare anyone to tell me that you didn't liveI dare anyone to tell me that you didn't impact this worldI dare anyone to tell me that it was for the best I dare anyone to tell me i have only one daughter, not twoMost of all, I dare anyone to tell me, that a month on, It won't hurt. Love Mummy

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-46212498534063968722010-02-04T16:48:00.004+10:002010-02-04T17:23:41.824+10:00

to have the friends we do. I've always been of the opinion that having a few good, quality friends, is far better than having a lot of half arsed shallow uninterested friends. Those are the people I don't have the patience for, the people who, unless it directly concerns them, aren't able to express an interest in what is important to us, for whatever reason. I also believe in having friends as a

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-26917592467917286032010-02-04T09:52:00.003+10:002010-02-04T10:01:16.584+10:00

but we had a great time. We broke a glass, I cut my foot open, we sang loudly to terrible music, We ate junk and talked about random garbage. The beach is beautiful, too much sand for my personal preference, but Lucy loved it so much she bought half of it back to the apartment. It really is beautiful down there. The only thing we probably could have hoped for was better weather, but in the end

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-8348195322560900392010-02-03T09:54:00.004+10:002010-02-04T21:57:43.208+10:00

would tell you that going to the crematorium, a month after you lose your baby won't be easy. And it would tell you, that you might find it upsetting, that you might even cry. Common sense might even tell you to take tissues, in case of tears. You'd think so right? So how come I was totally shocked that when it came time to talk about what we wanted to put on the memorial plaque, that I. couldn't

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-64818376587643317132010-02-01T10:16:00.004+10:002010-02-01T11:01:33.116+10:00

except that its trashed and now I get to clean it up!This week is going to be crazy. We've been home less than 24 hours, and we're already packing to leave again! Tuesday I'm getting coffee with an old friend - by old I mean school, Not old as in age!Wednesday afternoon we're heading down to Coolongatta for the night with Dan and Lisa and Maddison. Should be a good night, especially since I

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-75247677229675707962010-01-30T17:04:00.002+10:002010-01-30T17:25:33.824+10:00

I got five comments on my last post! Incredible, I didn't know five people regularly read me! Sounds sad doesn't it, some people get thousands, i'm just happy for five!! Thanks for de-lurking all, its nice to know who's out there!So we're at the last night of our holidays, this time tomorrow, or thereabouts, we'll be back home, in our own beds, in our own shower (hooray for water pressure!!), and

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-49240116018864807012010-01-28T18:22:00.003+10:002010-01-28T18:31:22.572+10:00

the things people will say and do.A few months ago, when I first found out I was pregnant with Ariana, I joined a birth club on an online forum, for March 2010. The ladies on the board were amazing to me, right from when we found out Ariana was sick, they were supportive, loving, kind and just there when i needed to vent. It helped keep me sane, and I really, Really appreciated each and every

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-20302794222643996982010-01-28T09:32:00.003+10:002010-01-28T10:25:45.673+10:00

My dear, sweet baby.Last time I wrote to you, I was still calling you Bean. Last time I wrote to you, I was still thinking you were likely a boy baby, and I was thinking that maybe, just maybe you could fight whatever was making you so sick. We'd had so many scans of you, looked into your private world so many times, that I could see, usually before the sonographer if it was going to go well, or

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-66268250284562965902010-01-25T08:58:00.002+10:002010-01-25T09:07:21.866+10:00

Last week, Dr Google taught me something. I'm not one to read up on symptoms on Google, I never have been. I always figure that if I'm sick I'll just, you know, go to the doctor. Dr Google is great I'm sure but its not like it can write me a prescription should I need one, and meantime, I'll start thinking I'm dying!What doctor Google taught me however, was that Ariana's anemia, which could never

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-64516734408659273602010-01-24T22:54:00.004+10:002010-01-24T23:13:01.619+10:00

Ariana's Memorial Service14th January 2010 "11 Weeks too early, 4 blessed days of love, Eternity in heaven, Our gift from God above" "Sometimes", Said Pooh, "The Smallest things take up the most room in your heart"

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-62615717602167360982010-01-24T22:13:00.002+10:002010-01-24T22:42:33.842+10:00

we're taking a long overdue, much needed holiday. We haven't gone far, only about 45 minutes away from home (seeing as technically I'm still on "do nothing you have had a C-section" type activities - better to stay close-ish to home in case things get dramatic), but wow, its making such a difference.We got here on Friday at about lunch time. Unpacked everything, had some lunch, and hit the pool.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-55593205170897328112010-01-18T20:35:00.002+10:002010-01-18T20:38:28.628+10:00

until its gone.Baby girl, God how I miss you today.I really, really need a hug. x

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-7474920657544266442010-01-17T10:39:00.002+10:002010-01-17T10:43:46.855+10:00

I did something so stupid. Five seconds of utter dumbness.I have no idea how to even begin to fix it, If it even can be fixed. And if it CAN be fixed, I don't know how I'll forgive myself for it anyway.

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-92130024051482747932010-01-15T08:22:00.003+10:002010-01-15T08:34:55.304+10:00

that i actually did hold it together for Ariana's memorial service. Well, I didn't throw myself on the floor wailing, which is what I was worrying might happen despite my illusion of self control.The service was beautiful. It was fairly light, and although sad, it was just how we wanted it to go.The turnout surprised me, there was far more people there than I expected, just another testament to

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339578699525530417.post-13579109938166658782010-01-13T21:43:00.003+10:002010-01-13T22:00:49.177+10:00

that I desperately prayed, and hoped, that I wouldn't have to plan, is all set to go ahead.My princess was cremated yesterday. We will collect her ashes after the service tomorrow, and she'll come home with us. Its bittersweet, bringing her home. She belongs here, with her sister, and her mummy and daddy, but that she has to come in an urn is so incredibly wrong to me. To me, she should be laying

Tamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828130707944353316noreply@blogger.com1