The amazing reality in where a simple pregnancy test can lead me from here on a direct climb to here almost belies belief.
In fact, I'm still not certain I really believe it.
I dreamt today that I was pregnant, and when I had the baby, after many hours in labour, there was but a whisp of smoke, and then it was gone, leaving me lying on the bed with nothing but the faint residue of ash, and no understanding of what had just happened.
How appropriate that I dream of ash, in relation to a baby of mine. My first baby is at childcare today, playing in the mud puddles, and painting with her friends. My second baby sits on the shelf in the lounge room - ash.
Still, this pregnancy has given me the positive. The much needed 'thing' to focus on. And I am grateful.
Peace, Clarity, all of it. Right now, lies in the fusion of a few cells deep in my body. An ultrasound couldn't tell you right now if those cells hold promise, or heartache. But for me, for us, they hold every single positive thought or feeling we manage to conjur up.