Friday, June 26, 2009

I took a day off

from mummyhood, and wifehood today, and it was marvellous!

Since Lucy has been sick, I've been exhausted. I'm so run down, and sleep deprived, that after a tearful chat with my wonderful hubby during the week, we decided I needed a break. So we booked Lucy into childcare for today and spent the day at home. I was meant to see my doctor about our pregnancy woes, but she had the day off sick, so i got to stay in bed till 11.30am and oh my dont i feel better for it.

The house is a mess. The dishes aren't done. And today, I just dont care!

Matt is on a half day, and he wants to go out. I don't want to go anywhere. I intend on spending the rest of my child free hours sitting on the couch watching TV, and possibly taking another nap before reality comes crashing back.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

I retract my previous comments

where I said that "Lucy is getting better".

Last night we had an "episode". Of high fevers and projectile vomitting.
This morning the vomitting has stoped, i've taken the day off work (no sleep and a spewey toddler does not a productive day make), and we're off to the doctor again because she still has fevers and now "throat is sore mummy."

Sometimes, being a parent really sucks.

....a few hours later....

we have a diagnosis - middle ear infection and urinary tract infection. One massive doseage of antibiotics, a urine sample, and panadol and nurofen piggybacked to control the fevers and we're home again, with one very disgrunted, but-on-the-road-to-recovery toddler.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Ever feel like the light at the end of the tunnel

is the headlamp of an incomming train? Sometimes it just feels like we can't get a break.

Lucy has improved. I managed to dodge a visit to the hospital, but she is still complaining of sore ears and a sore throat. I can't tell if she just wants another visit to the doctor, (she really likes the doctor - of course she does, she doesn't have to pay the bill!), or if i should be taking myself and her back down there yet again. For now i've pretty much put it down to "wait and see", if she starts complaining more than once a day, and gets lethargic or something else looks amiss then we'll go back to panic stations.

She is now a whopping 4kgs under weight. Her appetite has improved marginally, but honestly, i'm still worried. We're booked in for another Pead appointment in October, but if she loses more weight before that then we'll get another one earlier. Meantime she's eating whatever i can get into her at whatever time of day. The other night she had 1 lettuce leaf and 1 chicken nugget for dinner. That was it. Last night she had a few mouthfulls of pasta. And on Monday night, she had three spoonfulls of mashed potato and a banana.

I don't want to hear that she will eat when she's hungry. Because she never is. At any time of the day. Just another thing to worry about.

Sleep wise, we're getting better. Slowly. We've managed to cut the midnight screaming matches down to only a few times a night, and not as long and drawn out. Now all i have to do is go into her room and rub her back till she calms down. Before i was pacing the halls with her while she screamed like she was in agony. Small steps, but last night i got a solid 8 hours sleep in the first time in a month. Talk about exciting!

Matt seems to have recovered from his bout with Tonsilitis relatively quickly, except now he has some other lurgy. And one of his drivers at work has a suspected case of swine flu. The chance of Matt getting that are practically none, but still. Swine Flu.

And so we come up to me again. As yet, I'm healthy! No sign of any of the ickines that Lucy and Matt have been breeding. Still crazily sleep deprived although last nights stint sure did help things, but no sore throat, not so much a migraine.

So if i'm perfectly healthy, WHY after 6 months of trying, am I still not pregnant?

How come when you desperately dont want to fall pregnant, when your on the pill, AND using condoms, you can fall pregnant, but when you look at your husband, the man you love and decide as a couple that your ready and willing, to try and have another baby, Your body betrays you.

I have spent a fortune on home pregnancy tests. Because i'm too scared, to terrified to wait until im due to have a period to find out if i'm pregnant or not. So i buy the tests. And i start testing a week before i'm due. So that its not so crushing to find out that, no, another month has gone by, and still i'm not pregnant.

I'm used to falling pregnant easily. I'm used to being able to think about being pregnant and finding out i am. So why now?

I really want my light at the end of the tunnel. And i want it not to be another train.

Friday, June 12, 2009

When it happens,

In my universe, first Lucy starts getting super cranky. Then she starts with the sniffles and more cranky. By about day three of this, the nose starts to run and the eyes start to water. By day 4, we have a cough building. By day 5 i have a toddler with ridiculously high fevers, runny nose, chesty cough, runny eyes and general "I'm soo miserable please help me mummy, why wont you help me mummy" style tantrums and crying fits.

This i can handle. Generally, it lasts for about a week and then things subside and our beautiful child returns to her former lovely self.

Except this last time.

This hasn't lasted just a week. Or even two weeks. Lucy has been sick for 3 weeks. And not just her usual sick. Usual sick is OK, miserable but OK. But for some reason, since Lucy got sick, shes not sleeping at night. We put her into bed, and she seems alright, coughing runny nose still but she is fine. She sleeps about 4 hours and then she starts crying and screaming. This goes on for most of the night. Nobody has been getting much sleep at all. In fact, some nights, I'm getting none at all.

I am so exhausted. I'm run down, i have very little energy and i'm suffering from almost constant migraine headaches from lack of sleep. I still have to work, i still have to take care of my family but not sleeping is killing me.

Matt hasn't been fairing much better. And then yesterday morning he woke up and announced " my throat is killing me, and it feels all lumpy when i swallow"....

Oooo great. No really. Great. Totally fantastic.

Diagnosis - Acute Tonsillitis. I knew that before we waited up until 1.30am this morning for the doctor to come. Of course at 1am Lucy started her yelling and crying antics for whatever reason. She cried and yelled and bellowed and wailed every 1o or so minutes until 5.30 am when she finally fell into a deepish sleep. Of course Matt's phone rang at 7 and woke her, and me up. Did i mention that it was 3 degrees here this morning. Yeah, that was super nice.

Today, Lucy and I are having the naughtiest day ever. Because i am quite literally in too much pain and too tired to function. I've turned the DVD player on, whacked in Lucy's new Peppa Pig movie. She is spread out on the big couch with pillow, teddy and throw rugs watching movies, and I'm camped out on the other couch, also under blankets with pillows, rugs and laptop, occasionally dozing and waking up to get her milk, water, tissue or take her to the toilet.

It is COLD. Lucy is sick. Matt is sick. I am sick.

I'm sick and tired and sick of being sick and tired.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Yesterday was pretty exciting

for all involved. Lucy's litle friend Jenee had her 4th Birthday Party at AMF bowling at Tingalpa. As if a bowling party wasn't ambitious enough for 13 (YES that many!!) 2 - 4 year olds, it was a dress up party as well. They looked SO CUTE! And Lucy had the best time. She has so much fun, and loved every minute of it.

We took her along dressed as Queen Bee - we found her costume at the Redcliffe Kite Festival a few weeks ago, and figured it would be perfect. Teamed it up with a long sleeve black shirt and a pair of black tights (cause its kind of cold in winter here), as we ended up with one super.dooper.cute.queen.bee.

As if that wasn't exciting enough - then we took Lucy into Roma St Parklands to see the Dora the Explorer show as part of the celebrations for QLD's birthday (Dont ask me how old we are, I wasn't listening)! Her friend Jenee and family came along and had a lovely time wandering around the parklands, playing in the "dora maze", and seeing the robot, and the dancing lizard.

I have to say, Lucy woke up really early yesterday morning excited about going to the party. And then around the time she was meant to be in bed asleep, we were getting on a train to go into the parklands, and then we did lots of walking, and dancing and playing, so she was EXHAUSTED. And a saint. Really, she hardly played up at all the entire day, and the couple of times a meltdown looked set to happen, we managed to divert her attention quickly and relatively easily. I was very proud of her. It was a big day for us Adults - how she handled herself so well is a miracle to me!

I really do have the BEST daughter ever xo

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Its nice to have a different view

from your own sometimes.

First thing I have to say is OHMIGOD my labour was a nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I love Lucy, I really do, but getting her into this world was AWFUL.

My best friend is having a baby in 6 weeks. She asked me to a support person for her, along with her hubby. I'm super excited! And then we had this conversation about the birth, and what she expected from me, and few concerns that she was having, mainly that I seem to have a negative view on labour and birth, coloured, (naturally) from my own experiences. I thought about it a lot, and realised that, She's right. I do have a negative view - but only on my own. Whenever i hear about someone having an easy birth, and lovely labour I'm SO excited for them. I honestly do believe in the miracle of birth - being that - A miracle.

My Friend asked me if I was going to be able to stay strong, to support her how she needs to be supported, and be stable and calm, even in the face of a crisis, or things not working quite the way we hope. I answered her honestly - I am 100% ready to support her and her Husband in any way they need while they get ready to meet their baby.

I found this on a site yesterday, and really, the comment made me laugh :)

**My partner said that her experience of labour with our daughter was quite satisfying and felt a bit like a deep tissue massage. Thanks to this blog I now realise she is a lying hag who had a horrible experience and has been fabricating the whole event.

More seriously, I found it reassuring that my partner did savour the experience (without saying it felt great) and it was nice to tell other people who were pregnant that it wasn’t absolutely horrible and that they shoudldn’t book in for a caesar just to avoid the whole despicable experience.**

I can't wait to support my friend when she meets her beautiful baby. And I hope, really hope, that she has an experience like the one above, a beautiful, harmonised labour and birth. But even if it goes differently, my role stays the same. Do as she needs, when she needs it, and remember, that this is about her and her husband creating their new family.

I'm so excited to even have a small role in that :)


Monday, June 1, 2009

Sometimes its the crazy ones

that leave you wondering WHAT WAS I THINKING! This weekend has been madness. And I do mean that. I cannot believe, how much we had to do this weekend, and I cannot believe that next weekend will be even worse!

Friday night we had dinner with good friends of ours over at Bulimba at their house. Dinner was great, and Lucy and Jenee had a wonderful time playing together but ohmigosh how tired poor Lucy was (after all she's STILL sick)!! I worked all day on Saturday - not my favourite thing to do on a weekend - and then we went to dinner with Matt's family on Saturday night. Another great night - and another late one for Lucy. Sunday saw us running around like idiots trying to get some grocery shopping done, a quick trip to office works for a few bits and pieces and then we had to be at lunch with Dan & Lisa by 1pm. Somewhere in there, we had to squeeze in a nap for Lucy as well! We didn't get home until 4.30, and then had to be down at church by 6 for Johnny Lee Clary.

Insane Madness. I don't think i sat down at home, for more than half an hour all weekend.

And now Monday is here again, and my still sick toddler has to go to childcare, despite all the tears and tantrums announcing loud and clear that today she "just doesn't want too", and really, after the weekend she just had, who can blame her. I don't want to be at work today, I'd much rather be at home cleaning the house that has looked like a bomb went off for at least the past week and a half due to Lucy being sick, and me, well not being bothered with anything BUT her.


I do so long for a quiet (non working) weekend.