Only one fall out of the bed so far! And she sleeps so well in it so we're on a winner!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
We lost our baby. 10 weeks in and feeling oh so confident. I even had morning sickness this time. The exhaustion, the morning sickness and those chronic headaches. I thought for SURE this time it would all be ok. This time i could relax and let my body do what my heart longed for. I even started telling people, being excited about it and letting them be excited too.
"Things happen for a reason" thankyou Mr doctor man but how the hell would you know? Is this YOUR FOURTH miscarriage is it?
"Maybe there was something wrong with the baby" So what? Does that make my child, my miracle any less important? And less precious? I wanted this baby so much, sick or healthy, this baby was still MY baby. MY CHILD. How dare you or anyone else tell me that its for the best. This cannot be for the best. It can be only what it is. Heartache.
I look in baby shops knowing i can't walk in and buy the little jumpsuits. I have no right to enter that hallowed ground. I'm not pregnant. I dont have a baby on the way. I have been left out again of the world wide "expecting" group. The group that looks a tiny singlets and booties and rubs their tummies knowingly. The group that can talk about which pram they want to buy. The group that gets to go to ultrasounds confidently KNOWING there will be a heartbeat.
This once i was confident. Yet again my heart breaks for the baby that will never grow up. All the missed opportunities and potential that my babies had. All the love i have for them that they will never experience.
and I dont know if my heart can stand the pain.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I think i should join bloggers anonymous. The place where you stand up and hang your head in shame to admit that "i'm a bad blogger". I have always been this way. Which is crazy because i love to write. But i just never finish anything. Ever. I must have about 20 journals, all of which i enthusiastically start to record my life in for around... oh the first 5 pages before i lose interest. Then i look at it with a guilty expression pretending that it might fill in its self. Then i go shopping, find another beautfiful journal that gets me feeling creative for another week. Tops. Repeat and rinse and you end up like me, 20 virtually empty journals and lots of wasted money.
Lucy - 16 months with her "hippo". Or as she says "hibbobo" We love hibbobo. And if ANYTHING should ever happen to hibbobo i think my life could end.
Hanging out with Mummy while daddy insists on a photo before a wedding. Lucy looked as cute as pie.
And a photo with daddy after Mummy INSISTED he wasn't getting away with taking one of her that easily!!