When the tears stop falling

your either in shock, or empty. I'm not empty, but I'm defiant in my grief.

Back Story:

Last Sunday, we went to a baptism. In fact i complained about how hot it was at the baptism, but like i said in my earlier post, despite the heat it was a beautiful service. Little Sammy Fraser, 4 months was baptised and there was much excitement over this promising little mans future. He was beautiful, and little, and Loved. So very loved, as evidenced by all the people who turned out to witness such a special, and blessed event.

Sometime between Friday night and early this morning, Sammy passed away.

I have no answers. I don't know why Sammy was taken, I don't even know if he was Ill. But I know his family are destroyed in their grief of losing him.

I've been through 4 miscarriages. Horrible, testing, devastating times. But I've never known the agony and heartache of losing a baby after holding them inside, as a part of your body and heart for 9 months. Of going through labour, and then having your little baby in your arms, to watch them slip away, such a short time later.

I have no doubt that its a different kind of pain, A kind I'm not accustomed to dealing with, to feeling.

I feel so helpless, and so sad. So very sad. For this family, and for what they are going through.

For his baptism last week, we bought him a gift. We bought Sammy a little zebra, for him to look at, a touch n feel book, and a children's bible. We also got him a card.

On the card I wrote " Dear Sammy, Congratulations on your special day. We hope your life brings love, laughter, peace and happiness. Love Tam, Matt & Lucy"

I agonised over that card, i didn't know what to write on it, I didn't want to write the wrong thing. I wanted to to be RIGHT. To be fitting of such a special event. In the end i figured that the effort would perhaps mean more than the card its-self, and that essentially, It's just a card.

At least I can know, that for his 4 short months with his family, his days were indeed filled with Love, Laughter, Peace and Happiness.

And despite his short life, That is more than enough

EDITED LATER

I have now been told is suspected that Sammy passed away from SIDS. Such a terrible, devestating loss.