because, lets face it, I've been completely and utterly self absorbed the past few weeks.
One of my closest friends packed up her kids and left her partner. I had no idea. Why? Because I've been totally focused on my life and my family and my issues and its been all me, me, me.
I'm a shitty friend. The shittiest type of all at the moment.
I can't excuse my behaviour, or my total ignorance. I mean really, she packs up her two kids, four months before their wedding, and moved out. I didn't even know they were having problems. I was walking around totally clueless. And damn, don't i feel like the worst, most guilty friend ever. And before anyone tries to tell me maybe i wouldn't have known - If i had BEEN there like i should have, i totally would have known. Because she's one of my best friends. And she tells me that stuff.
I've managed to alienate some of the people who have supported me most in the past four weeks, completely without even realising I've been doing it. And nobody would say anything either, because they are all too sweet, amazing and lovely. And I'm the crummy friend who's just riding along on it.
Another friend said that her life feels trivial compared to mine. NO! I don't want my friends thinking their issues, their worries and problems are less important because of my behaviours and attitude. I used to be the friend people rang in the middle of the night to cry to, to ask for help. I used to be the friend that would drive to the moon and back in the middle of the night, just to hug someone when they needed it. And my friends used to be able to count on me for that. Nowadays, they don't even feel like they can tell me if something in their world has gone to shit, because I'm too busy moaning about myself.
I'm SO DAMN GUILTY!