Up and Dow

it never ends.

Good news is, Bean is better than last week, in a manner of speaking. This week he's measuring 2 weeks small again, but that's OK, he still put on weight, just not quite enough. He should have put on about 60 grams, he's only put on 30.

The fluid is completely gone. The tech thought she saw fluid around the heart, but on further checking decided it was probably just the angle, and said even if it IS fluid, its the most tiniest amounts, its not even worth noticing.

The blood flow. The bane of my existence at the moment is the damn blood flow! It goes up and down and its all over the shop and its FRUSTRATING!! After last weeks scan when the blood flow was measuring at 57 (I think its meant to be about 35!), i nearly had a heart attack! Its never gone up over 46 previous to this, so 57 was a very scary jump, the scariest thing was there were small periods when the flow was so fast it appeared to almost be skipping - NOT GOOD.

We got told AGAIN last week that we should be aware that the baby might not make it.. yadda yadda blah blah, the same story. It was just shocking, because after the first two weeks in this game, everyone started acting positive, and stoped talking about "might die", and instead was talking about "get to 32 weeks, baby has excellent chance, take him out early and start treatment, Might possibly be fine". To suddenly step back to hearing "might Die" again, was a blow.

It was decided after that scan that I would go back on the baby aspirin. I was taken off it earlier on because of the risk of doing invasive treatments with blood thinners in my system - namely the Amnio and a blood transfusion. Since i stoped the aspirin, the blood flow count has risen. Last week it was at a scary high. So now I'm back on aspirin for the duration, to see if that maybe just helps lower the counts enough to give bean a better chance.

The other decision. No more caffeine. AT ALL. Bean is still measuring small and caffeine can stunt a babies growth. While I haven't been having a lot, its something I can do, to feel like I'm proactively helping bean. And if something goes wrong, and I didn't take this step, I'd never forgive myself.

We still don't' have a diagnosis on whats going on with Bean. And Frankly, the doctors have stoped looking for one. Who can blame them? I'm OK with not knowing. As long as Bean keeps kicking and jumping and showing OK on scans, and hopefully growing, I'm happy.

5 Weeks Beanie-Baby. Just hold stable for 5 more weeks,and then maybe we can fix you up.