Thursday, January 28, 2010

I can't believe

the things people will say and do.

A few months ago, when I first found out I was pregnant with Ariana, I joined a birth club on an online forum, for March 2010. The ladies on the board were amazing to me, right from when we found out Ariana was sick, they were supportive, loving, kind and just there when i needed to vent. It helped keep me sane, and I really, Really appreciated each and every single one of them. I'm still a member of the board, I like to check in and offer any advice I have to them, and keep up with how their pregnancies are progressing.

I also liked to "board hop", checking in on the boards immediately before and after mine, February, and April. The ladies on these boards have also been lovely to me, although a lot didn't know about the complications Ariana was facing.

Up until today, I have never heard a bad word from any of them. Until today.

Someone, I'm not sure who, posted on the February board, my birth story, of how Ariana was born early, and then passed away. The point she made at the end of the post was to cherish your time with your children, and to enjoy your pregnancy. Which was fine, I was surprised to see my story there, but honoured to see women saying how moved they were, and how they were all going to be more positive. I like that my story has touched them.

And then today, I saw this post on the Thread : "why would you post something like that onto the February notice board. I'm sure a lot of people are feeling very anxious about giving birth, and all the things that can possibly go wrong. Let's keep it to happy stories".

I saw red. I probably should have ignored the stupidity, but instead I fired back a response, something to the tune on "So sorry my dead baby upsets YOU", or something equally mature.

But seriously? She existed. She was born alive, my baby girl. And she went to heaven. I should ignore it, but honestly, it devastates me, that less than a month after she's gone, and already I'm faced with this attitude.

God I hope this will get easier, but if its already getting harder, how can it?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG I am mortified to say the least I swear some people on the forums just have no idea...and makes me sad that people (can they really be human?!) can be so insenstive...I hope for their sake they dont have to go through anything like your family has...Its sad to know a place that seemed to be a haven for you so long became a sorce of anger...i think I would have seen red too...I dont think i would have left it and just remember your princess touched so many lives in a positive way....and she may be gone but never forgotten...Keep the faith that some people are just stupid...I am gobsmacked as to why someone would even write about that sort of post "lets keep happy stories" well she needs a reality check...Your an amazing women and an amazing mother just 'try' I know easier said then done but try to just forget the comment...she isnt worth it....god I hope nothing happens to her...because then she will expect "help" and no one will be there for her...just remember your amazing, strong and couragous :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Tam!
I just wanted to check out your blog as you left the link on March 2010. You have a beautiful tribute to your daughter and family over here. it is truely wonderful to read.
The lady who left that comment on Feb is just disgraceful to woman and mothers alike. I have faced alot of IDIOTS after we lost our baby to stillbirth and I too have said sooo many times "She was alive, you may not think so, but lived in me"... I'm sorry about these idiots, but they are everywhere. I will add my link to my angels web page, it is up to you if you would like to visit.
Kellie (I've put anonymous as it easier)

http://biancas-garden.bravehost.com/

gorillabuns said...

i'm so very sorry for your loss. i have found, people can be very cruel and while most are quite the opposite, it's the 2% that drag you down.

Again, I'm so very sorry!

Heidi said...

Tam -

Once again, I'm upset for you because of some comments you have received. However, I am pleased that others have defended your honor, as well as Ariana's memory. Just because you didn't have a perfect pregnancy and you didn't get a happy ending doesn't mean we don't talk about it. We talk about it to cherish our memory of your sweet princess, Ariana. I know some people don't know what to say, so they say something stupid. My hope is this woman has realized the world is not all rainbows and butterflies, but bad things to happen to good people - it's just reality. And while we all want a perfect pregnancy and healthy baby after nine months, it doesn't always work out that way, and I'm terribly sorry it doesn't.

Tam, please know I will always be here for you, through the ignorant comments and the intelligent, thoughtful ones. I just hope more good and compassionate comments are posted, rather than negative. And hopefully your story, and Ariana's passing will make those holding their children a little tighter, and give an extra kiss at night and be thankful for what they have. I know I do.

Love you Tam - take care and I'm always here for you.

Heidi

Titanium said...

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. There are no words for what you are going through. That some empty, callous fool commented on your post with so much ignorance and complete lack of empathy- reflects so hideously on them that any nearby mirrors are probably shattering right now.

It will not be simple
It will not take long
It will take all your breath.

Thank you for sharing your life, your story.

-Ti

bemytomato said...

My heart hurts for you, having to deal with this so quickly after losing your precious girl.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you have suffered so greatly. I just wanted to thank you. Reading your story reminds me to be thankful everyday for my children even when I don't normally feel that way. Thank you and I so hope your future is brightened with the love of a third child.