Who knew Easter could leave such a bad taste in my mouth. The ultimate sacrifice was made. How can that be viewed with any negativity.
The empty feeling in my arms, and my heart, is particularly bad tonight. Knowing that tomorrow should have been one of Ariana's "firsts". Facing Easter without my precious daughter. Seeing her untouched Christmas presents is hard enough, not buying anything for her for Easter is terrible.
It's been going over and over in my head. "Well God lost his son, Gave him so we could live". Amazing. Such a sacrifice, such love.
But God knew Jesus would rise again. He knew his son would ascend to heaven. But then Ariana is in heaven as well. I know I'll be with her again. But God only had to wait three days. I have to wait a lifetime. But then who knows how long a lifetime will be. And God had to watch them murder his son. I had to let my daughter go.
Over and Over.
Empty. So Empty. I want to be excited, but I'm filled with dread.
On Monday, It will have been three months. Three long months since I last saw her beautiful face. Touched her tiny fingers, and kissed her little head. Three long Months since I could feel her, tangibly see her and know she existed.
The first "first" surely has to be the worst. Please tell me it's the worst. Because I don't know how I can live with this feeling, every single time we have something to celebrate.
Happy Easter Everyone. Loss is a bitter pill to swallow. Especially when it feels insignificant to another.