arrived today. Well, technically, it arrived yesterday, at the post office. But I was at work, crippled by the flu yesterday, and as a result, missed the courier. (stupid work)
ANYHOW... I'm not sure which one it is that has arrived, but I do love them both equally. :) I'm just waiting on the second one to arrive, and then i can post it out to its rightful owner. I do hope I can get them there by Sunday, even if i have to drop them off myself.... I'm a little nervous about how they will be received, I'm new to this sort of thing, and a little worried that i might overstep a boundary. I'm trying to help, so I hope they will be liked, loved even.
In other news, i was talking to my hubby (read amazing and wonderful) about OUR lost babies, and I mentioned to him that although after each baby we lost, people we so lovely and sent flowers and meals, I feel like I missed out, because i have nothing tangible of them.
I only have 1 ultrasound photo of our last little bub, and for the others, I have nothing. My beautiful friend Bec bought me a Lion when i was in hospital after our first loss, and she just called it "the be brave lion". I treasure that lion to this day, and also the puppy Matt got me just after our second loss. But other than that, i have nothing. I was too distraught after the first miscarriage to ask for the scan photos, and for the others, i didn't even want to think about it, I was too deeply mired in grief and denial. Yet here i find myself, a few years down the road, after the birth of my amazing daughter, and very much wishing i had something tangible to hold onto as a reminder of them. They may not have been with me for long, but they were still a part of me, of us, and I'm really regretting not having anything special as a token, or symbol of the babies we so desperately loved and lost.
Because I'm a "googler" ( I google EVERYTHING) I looked it up, and was surprised to find an entire community of people just like me. And they had so many ideas, a lot of them, really, we couldn't use because they required footprints or hand prints of the baby, we lost ours far to early for this to be possible. One person had a suggestion that really stood out to me, she suggested that i get a charm necklace, 1 charm for each baby, including Lucy. I fell in love with this idea.
And It's exactly what i want to do. Matt's been looking out for special baby type charms for me for a couple of weeks now, and i've been searching online. I found some, and he found some, and tonight, we might go and buy one or two (they are expensive I've discovered). I don't mind buying them one at a time, after all, we lost our babies, one at a time, but I would really like to have all 5 charms by April 15. The due date for our "squirt" as she was affectionately known for the 10 short weeks she was with us.
As much as I know I'm going to love this necklace, knowing that i have a way to remember my precious babies, I hope i never have to add another charm to it again. I would prefer to never have had to google "remembering a lost baby"...
Its a hard thing to come to terms with. But I know I'm going to love having my babies close to my heart, in a obvious form. And who knows, i may not wear the necklace all the time, but I'll treasure it. And when Lucy and hopefully her sister or brother are older, I'll show them the necklace, and tell them about their siblings, gone from our lives, but remembered in our heart forever more. xo