was "do you consider yourself to be at high risk of suffering with PPD?" (Post Partum Depression).
Holy crap lady are you kidding me?! Let us run through the facts shall we?
- I'm sure after Lucy was born, i suffered with depression, undiagnosed for about three - four months.
- I've lost four babies previously which makes me a little, shall we say, highly strung about being pregnant
- Thus far, with this pregnancy, I've had 15 scans. Most people have two, three tops. We still have them at least once a week.
- I'm considered incredibly high risk - hence the repetitive scans
- My unborn child is SICK and I can't do anything but pray and hope he or she is strong enough to pull through.
- We have been told, absolute best scenario, we get to 36 - 38 weeks gestation and then its off for a C-section.
- Worst case - steroid shots and bean might make his or her arrival around 34 weeks, maybe earlier which means NICU time.
- We have no idea what is wrong. The doctors have stoped writing a "diagnosis" on the forms. They don't know what to put. We're pretty sure its not something THAT serious, but we can't know for sure, and so they leave the "diagnosis" field blank. Its not reassuring.
- We have a daughter who is constantly asking about baby bean, wanting to talk to and kiss my belly. I worry every night that i might have to tell her, her much wanted baby has died. I want to protect my child. But If something goes wrong, I have to tell her. Its my responsibility.
- I'm not a candidate for shared care, every appointment i have, every check up, I have to see a high risk obstetrician. Which means more hospital visits.
Really? We don't have a whole lot of positive going on! Would I consider myself a high risk for PPD? Honey, If I come to this time next year with my nerves and sanity in tact, and two happy, healthy children at home, then I'll consider it one MAJOR achievement!
By the time I'd rattled off my list to her, her survey about "are you scared of your partner", "Do you have good family support at home", and "Will your partner help you with this baby", was looking pretty useless. I asked her nicely just to write "SCREWED UP" across my file. She did not laugh. She did however ask me to fill in the survey anyway - in the privacy of the toilet of course because we don't want Matt to know that I'm answering supposedly "anonymous" (with my name and ID # at the top) questions about his ability to be a decent human being. Heh.
And so, that was my booking in appointment to a hospital that I've at last count had 13, Medicare funded Ultrasounds in, in the past 17 weeks. (The other two were privately done). Next week? We go back and do it all again, because since I'm "high risk", the obstetrician has to book me in.
I can hardly wait.