Monday, December 14, 2009

"Just Practicing Mummy"

was what Lucy said to me on Friday afternoon. Of course, her saying that had me dissolve into tears, because she was "practicing" looking after her baby "for baby bean".

I've tried to explain to her that Bean is not feeling very well, and that he might have to stay in the hospital for a little while after he's born. But she just keeps standing in the doorway to the nursery telling me that he'll sleep in there. She's so excited about Bean. She can't wait for him or her to arrive, to get to be the "big sister", and to finally be able to show off "Her Baby".

It breaks my heart that she just doesn't know what we're facing. Some days I think that I'm fragile, but looking at my little daughter's face all lit up as she tells people about Bean, makes me realise that if this goes bad, her life will be changed forever. I don't want to change her life, I want to keep her small, and innocent, and happy and joyous. I want to protect her. There are too many kids in this world facing things that are unthinkable. I don't want to expose Lucy to any of that. But I might not have a choice.

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