Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I will not say sorry,

for who I am now.

It might shock people to know, that the person I was two years ago doesn't exist anymore. It might shock those same people to know that I actually am not as predictable as you might like to believe, I don't feel the way I used to, nor do I tolerate what I used to.

" I never expected to be this version of myself".

I think that sums it up nicely.

Some things are the same. I'm an awesome friend to have. I know that. If I'm in your corner, you know it. I stick up for my friends, I treat them well, I care about them, I support them. If I'm not in your corner, look out. I don't tolerate fools. I can't stand idiots. I hate hypocricy. And liars. I hate when people don't accept responsibility for their actions, and when they try and lie their way out of a situation.

The worst thing you can do to me, Is betray me again, after I've already forgiven you. This guy, managed a second chance, and suprise suprise, screwed me over again. It was my own fault for being so stupid, so young, and naive.

The fact of life is that if you live it fully, as I do, you're going to get hurt.

I never thought I could survive, the death of a child. That a baby could be born, and die in four short days, and that I could not only survive it, but live life through it, was unfathomable.
I like to think, that I have experienced the highest highs, and the lowest lows in my 24 short years on this earth. I have lived my life. I have lived it fully. There is nothing that I sit back and say "I wish I could do.." Because my life Is full.

Perhaps I am foolish to believe that I've been thrown the worst things I can think of, and managed to live through them. Maybe I am still naive.

I am better. I am a better version of what I was. I am a better version of who I was. I am better.

But those that can't accept that, friends or foe, need to move on.

Because part of my better? Is that I just don't care anymore.


Anonymous said...

Losing a child is the most difficult experience you will ever have to life through. Life throws many curves but never one as devastating as that. You have survived the worst. I'm not saying everything will be perfect from now on but nothing will ever be as bad as that. Take pride in your ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

jessica said...

You go girl!
NEVER apologise for who you are! I am so sorry Tam to hear that people have given you grief and condemnation over your previous post. The fact that you were ready and willing to share some of your journey just shows what a strong courageous person you are. We all have a history, some of us have walked a harder road than others. But it's not all about where you were... but where you are and who you're becoming. That's the beauty of grace. You are inspiring others to stand up and be strong in their lives... to persevere. That's a noble thing and you should be proud :)

Anonymous said...

This one made me jump up and yell, "Yeaahhhhhh Budddyyyyy!!!" and scare the crap out of my office-mates.

It was so worth it.

Tam, you are Making It! Speaking up, speaking out- and refusing to be Less.

Woman, you inspire me.

Brian Miller said...

jumped over from Ti's place. glad i did. thanks for sharing your story...can imagine nothing as traumatic as losing a child. even in these brief wods i am gla dyou are who you are.

Yvonne said...

I'm here from Element 22 to say hello. I can't imagine losing a baby. Just....can't.

They say you're lucky to have one good friend in your life. Everyone should have a friend like you.