Monday, March 29, 2010

It hurts my heart

to see a friend wandering down a path, that I've hurtled down myself.

I hate that she is so upset, so full of hurt, of despair and disapointment. She is disillusioned, both with herself, and her marriage. She is wondering if it is over, if it is all fake, if maybe, there is no future.

I want to help her. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to do anything to help her, or her husband except to just be there. To stand in quiet support, offering a shoulder to cry on, and a place to vent without judgment. That's all I know how to do. And it makes me feel utterly useless.

I know that these people are put into my life for a reason. Initially, the were there for us, to support us, to help us through the loss of Ariana. Life goes on, we heal, we move forward, and now, we have to help them.

I just don't really know how to. It seems at the moment, when my relationship is going so well, so many of my friends marriages are breaking down. I don't understand what's happened, but I can count three families that are nearing breaking point. I hate that. I hate that there is heartache in their relationships, that they are thinking the future is unlikely to provide anything good, or promising, that they are wondering if maybe they should just end things now.

I love that most of my friends are married, that we share that common bond of dealing with children, families and ourselves. We have enjoyed many, many days and nights in each others company, we eat together, we talk together, our kids play together, and we, for the most part, are open about our lives with each other.

I love these people like they are my own family, and I hate that they are struggling so deeply at the moment.

Like I said, I can't do anything. All I can do is stand, in support. Whatever decisions they make, whatever happens, we will still be there for them, standing by, watching and waiting.

The bad stuff can't last forever. Things will get better. And in the meantime, we wait.

1 comment:

Mum2Five said...

I've been putting off reading this today. I read the first sentence and started to cry. I've now read the whole thing and I'm bawling....

You are not usless. You are an angel, best friend, confident and amazing.....

We will be ok. Eventually. I'm hoping anyway.

You are doing exactly what i need at the moment. Someone to be there and support. A friend.

I love you with all my heart. All of you.

I'm sorry I've made you hurt. That's the last thing i wanted to do. To anyone, but especially you.

Xo