Today

Ariana got two new friends.

Layla Grace sadly lost her fight with Cancer in the early hours of this morning. This amazing, beautiful toddler has been fighting for months, and finally, and lovingly, Jesus took her home. A dear friend of mine said that she doesn't think it's bad news, just sad news. After thinking about that for a few minutes, I realised she's right. It is so sad, that this little girl has gone from our world. But it's not bad. Bad is the cancer that has been eating at her for months. Bad is the chemo, the painful treatments and the agony she has been living in for all this time.

Baby Jacob is another precious angel lost to hydrops. His family went for a routine ultrasound this morning and found he had passed away, earning his wings after fighting for life for many long, exhausting weeks.

I find myself in the uneviable position of knowing more families who have lost babies, than who have had sucessful, healthy pregnancies, and then gone on to have happy healthy children. I'm not sure how I came to be this person. I've been trying to figure out, when in my life, God decided, that I would be the person who knew the horror stories, who knew the tragedies, and who people would turn to.

When in my life, was it decided that this was my lot, to support people who have lost babies, to lose them myself and to support my family through it?

If this is what i'm meant to be doing, then God, can you please at least give me the strength to do it properly. Today I'm so drained, I just want to run and hide. Apparently, I'm supposed to do this, but It would be nice if I felt like I can.